The phrase “life skills” has always kind of amused me. I mean – life – skills.

“What’s the betting that I’ll die before I’ve learned them all?” As a fully-fledged cocaine addict and alcoholic for many years, that about summed up my idea of “humor” when it came to thinking about life back then.

Yep, there wasn’t a day that went by that I wasn’t high, drunk, and, in the words of one arresting policeman I once ran into, “killing yourself quicker and more painfully than if I just shoot you now.”

Now, that’s humor…

“I’d rather be half-assed at a hundred things than a virtuoso at one.” – Jay Reatard, U.S. musician

However, sobriety brings clarity, and, fortunately for my desperate self, I found both. Thanks completely to my parents, who still hadn’t given up hope for me, and who drove me across the state line in our family sedan, me semi-conscious on the back seat, after they had successfully tracked me down to the run-down apartment I was staying in at that time. Once over in the next state, they dropped me (all pre-arranged) at a drug rehab in the hope that I’d dry out, get clean, and finally learn something.

Yes, you’ve guessed it. I learned about the life skills I’d previously laughed at – especially the ones that are essential for guiding you through the early months of your addiction recovery, a time when you feel somewhat defenseless against a world you had previously believed wanted no part of you.

Here’s what you need to know:

Life Skills: Definition

Look in a dictionary, or search online, and you’ll be politely informed that life skills can be defined as “any skill that enables you to manage the challenges of everyday living positively and effectively.”

So, anything you’ve learned that makes living better, like learning to drive a car without crashing into people, adeptly using a computer without looking a complete ass in front of your “digitech-minded” kids, or simply communicating exactly what you need and why to the coffee shop guy.

Seriously, life skills are essential in addiction recovery, from processing your emotions (something addicts and alcoholics are pretty useless at) to interacting effectively with others. Now, over 8 years down the line, still clean, still sober, and still learning, here I am relying every day on those very same life skills learned during my time in rehab, and those I learned after I had left their excellent care.

Here are your “4 Essential Life Skills to Guide You Through Addiction Recovery.” They’ve kept me good company on my recovery journey; I hope they keep good company on yours.

So, let’s get right to them:

1. Self Care

Drug addicts and alcoholics put their “fix” at the very top of their list of priorities. In fact, that priorities list usually ends right there. Done. Everything else becomes… inconsequential, to put it mildly. “Self care,” at this particular point in the addict’s life, is nothing more than that all-important fix, nothing at all.

However, the first step towards a healthy and successful recovery from addiction is understanding and prioritizing your own self-care: looking after yourself, and doing what makes you happy. And that doesn’t just mean remembering to brush your teeth before bedtime, or putting a comb or brush through your hair before you step out of the front door in the morning…

It’s much, much more than that, ranging from, yes, your personal hygiene, to maintaining a clean home, to what you eat for breakfast, to setting healthy boundaries for yourself, or to simply putting a smile on your own face – just all without the substances you previously used when you were “looking after yourself.”

“Self care” is just that – caring for yourself in a positive way, every day.

2. Healthy Habits & Routines

Human beings are creatures of habit and routine. As much as we like to think of ourselves as creative, impulsive and wild wonders of nature, habitual routines give us personal security and peace of mind, and we like that. We like that very much. According to socio-economic dynamics researchers, the majority of what we do today (around 60%, in fact), we did yesterday. Additionally, the majority of what we do today, we’ll repeat tomorrow. Creative, impulsive wonders of nature? Yeah… right.

For the recovering drug addict or alcoholic, healthy habits and routines can save your life. Honestly. Remember the “personal security” and “peace of mind” stuff written above? Yes, exactly. The more personally secure and at peace you are with yourself, the less likely you are to relapse.

So, what are considered to be “healthy habits and routines”? Practising self care is one, for a start. Healthy nutrition and regular exercise is another. Attending your support groups without fail, week-in, week-out – there’s another. You get the picture. And the great thing is, you get to choose your habits and routines. The only proviso is that they promote the idea of self care – in a positive way, every day.

*Top Tip: Learn yoga. One of the best things I did during my time in drug rehab. Calming and energizing at the same time. Probably the best workout you’ll ever have… and one you’ll actually enjoy! Yoga is an excellent and healthy habit to get into.

3. Better Communication

Learning better ways of communicating – both spoken and unspoken – is, again, vital for a successful addiction recovery. The better you are at communicating your thoughts, feelings and emotions, again, the less likely you will be to relapse. Here are some examples of healthy communication skills for you:

• Ability to express yourself:

1. Thoughts
2. Feelings
3. Emotions

• Ability to assert yourself
• Ability to manage conflict and find a resolution
• Ability to empathize
• Ability to listen
• Ability to negotiate
• Ability to refuse

4. Dealing with Resentment

One of the most common and powerful of our emotions is resentment, and unless you can learn to effectively deal with it during your addiction recovery, it is likely to be at the root of any relapse you may experience. And that, my friend, is according to the vast majority of addiction experts and specialists.

If it is left to fester, it can become a real issue for recovering addicts and alcoholics. Therefore, it is far better to understand why you may feel a certain way about particular people, specific actions and events. Additionally, you can practice positively and healthily expressing your anger and your resentment in different ways, such as:

• Keeping a journal to keep track of your feelings and why they exist
• Attend support groups where you can discuss your resentment in a safe environment
• Use these strong emotions as motivation for physical activity:

1. Working out
2. Running or hiking
3. Playing team sports

Let’s quickly summarize then:

Your “4 Essential Life Skills to Guide You Through Addiction Recovery”:

1. Self Care
2. Healthy Habits & Routines
3. Better Communication
4. Dealing with Resentment

Learn, understand, and practice these life skills throughout your addiction recovery, and they’ll guide you to where you want and need to be. Safe journey to you all.