Want To Get Back Together With Your Ex? Here’s What To Do

A relationship breakup is never easy, even if the breakup was mutual there is always a sense of sadness at the loss of connection and it may take a while to come to terms with the loss. But what if you wake one morning and feel that you made a terrible mistake? What can you do?

Why did it end

Firstly, you should establish the reasons behind the breakup in the first place. Some relationships end simply because of a communication breakdown and not a major betrayal. Issues can develop over time and if they aren’t communicated effectively can result in resentment. Unresolved arguments and not expressing true feelings will create negative emotions that are hard to push aside.  Or perhaps you do express how you feel but your partner fails to listen or attempt to understand how things affect you, this can lead to anger and shame that the hurt party holds inside and can surface in behaviour. It can cause a passive-aggressive dynamic that becomes toxic and makes both parties miserable. If this is what ultimately broke up the relationship is it something that could be fixed by talking and a renewed effort and is it something both parties want? If only one person thinks it’s going to work then the effort will be one-sided and you’ll have to find a way to convince your ex that it’s worth fighting for.

If the resentment was caused by lack of physical intimacy what can be done to address this? Would you both be willing to try some couples counselling to find ways to reignite the flame you once had? Sex is crucial in a relationship to keep two people connected and lack of intimacy will have a detrimental effect. If the lack of sexual desire is due to a physical issue how can you both address the problem with a spirit of mutual support? If you are the one holding out the olive branch, how can you offer some solutions so reconciliation is possible?

Who’s changed

When considering going back to your ex you must consider what’s changed. Did one of you change what you want in life or was it a behaviour that shifted? If it was something you changed how can you convince your partner it wasn’t a problem with him but perhaps a personality flaw you have recognised in yourself that you will work on if you had another chance. If it was him that changed how can you best explain how it affected your relationship but that you can work on it together to improve things?

Allow space

When there has been trouble between partners and they decide to separate it may be that they need time to figure out if they want to remain in the relationship or not. If you want your ex back you must allow him space to refocus without the pressure of having you near. It may be hard, especially if you realise you are still in love and want to make it work but resist the urge to smother him as this will counterproductive. Giving an ex time will establish if he misses you, and you can be sure when this happens, he will reach out. If you constantly call, text or drop round this won’t happen and will likely drive him further away. Applying the no contact rule will help you not to overly obsess and allow him time to figure out his feelings. Watching his every move on social media won’t be helpful and will likely hurt you in the long run. 

Take some time to reconnect with friends or do things that you enjoy. Start a new hobby or play some sport. Use your time productively so you enhance your wellbeing and build emotional resilience. You could spend some time thinking about what you want from the relationship and check out the advice at https://connectioncopilot.com which has some articles on how to get your ex back, how to move on,  as well as behaviors that are attractive and make men come running. Use this time wisely and educate yourself so you’re better equipped to win him back.

Communication

As mentioned earlier effective communication is vital for happy relationships. If you want your man back in your life and a reasonable amount of time has passed,  then you should sit down and talk things out. You should address whatever went wrong to cause you to split and be open and honest in your approach to deal with it. Tell him how you feel but don’t criticize. Ask him how he feels and listen. Be transparent. Many relationship problems occur because we hold back, we don’t trust people with our feelings and misunderstandings arise.

It’s good to remember communication isn’t always verbal. Body language is important so make sure you don’t take a defensive stance such as folded arms or sitting far away. Don’t interrupt during discussions and be affectionate if you can. Your body language will convey many things and if what you say is reflected in how you act,  it builds trust and creates harmony.

Prepare to put in the work

If you’ve talked things through and agree to give the relationship another chance you must be prepared to put in the work to repair it. You may need to change certain aspects of your behaviours or vice versa. If intimacy was the problem you may need to get help and commit to it. Show your significant other that you care about them,  and what you have together. With a shared vision and goal, you can rebuild what you lost and even make something better.

Whilst you should never change your personality to fit in with someones else’s requirements compromise is necessary for a harmonious and loving connection. Be willing to be selfless. Love is kind and unselfish but you must get the balance between compromising for your partner,  without losing yourself.

It’s challenging overcoming relationship issues but with a positive attitude and mutual love and respect your relationship can flourish into something beautiful once again.