When Is It Really Time For Couples Therapy?

Some of the most common problems faced by couples the world over include infidelity, a lack of intimacy, unresolved conflicts, sexual issues, and substance abuse. If any of these issues are plaguing your relationship, a new study suggests, you shouldn’t procrastinate when it comes to getting help. The study, published by University of Illinois scientists (Barton et al, 2021), showed that couples who seek help online (but wait a number of months to receive counseling in person) do not improve on their own. Because many relationship-breaking problems are capable of affecting each partner’s health and wellbeing, it is vital for them to obtain help quickly if they are to reduce stress, improve their physical and mental health, and enjoy a better quality of life together (or apart if need be).

Signs You May Need Help

When discussing unhappy couples, the first sentence of Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina springs to mind: “Happy families are all alike: every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Healthy relationships that last a lifetime have various characteristics in common such as good communication, intimacy, and support. Their partner is a source of joy and companionship rather than a source of stress. Even happy couples may benefit from professional therapy, however. Signs they need to do so include frequent arguing, growing distance, infidelity/ a breach of trust, a lack of honesty, misaligned goals, and finally, a sincere desire on the part of both partners to improve the relationship.

Why is Prolonging Help Detrimental?

In the University of Illinois study, the researchers compared couples in a control group (who received help quickly after asking for it) with those who were forced to wait six months to take part in an online program for couples. Participants in the waiting list group showed small improvements over time in terms of satisfaction and support, as well as improved communication and decreased worries about their relationship coming to an end. Some also had small improvements in areas such as psychological distress. However, these changes were small and overall, distress levels remained elevated. Moreover, there was a significant difference between the group that waited and the group that received help quickly.

Things Don’t Improve on Their Own

The researchers stated that on the whole, relationships do not improve on their own simply because couples have a willingness to make a change. The study was actually carried out on people earning low incomes—those who may not be able to afford private therapy. If your relationship could use help, however, note that there are free online programs available that can make a difference. In Illinois in particular, there is the Strong Couples online project, which is completely free for residents. Each state has different options for couples wishing to build greater resiliency.

If you and your partner have had serious issues lately, don’t leave it too long to make a change. You don’t need to spend large amounts of money on person-to-person therapy. Private and public online therapies can be a good solution for those wishing to spend little to no money on improving their relationship and quality of life.